Setbacks - 20 Days Old

Today we had a few setbacks. This morning, Aiden's doctor called Amaraa and told her that they had taken Aiden off of the nasal cannula and put him back on the CPAP machine to force more pressure into his lungs. They watched him throughout the day today and he still wasn't able to keep the air sacks in his lungs open as well as he needed to. As the day progressed, it became more and more difficult for him to breathe. I got to the hospital at around 7:30 this evening and they had just intubated him and put him back on the ventilator. They brought the x-ray machine in and took an x-ray of his lungs. The respiratory specialist reviewed the x-rays with me and showed me why they had put him back on the ventilator. His belly was all distended because he had a lot of air in his intestines. The x-ray showed that they were blown up like a balloon. That puts pressure on the lungs and makes it so he can't breathe as well, but the forced air of the high-flow nasal cannula or the CPAP machine forces more air into the bowel, so each problem was aggravating the other. After they got the x-ray back, it appeared that there was some distention in the chest as well. The neonatologist was worried that there may be a hole in the intestine that was letting the air out into the chest cavity. It seemed that every doctor and nurse in the NICU began crowding around Aiden hurriedly getting blood, starting an IV in him, checking his carbon dioxide levels, and getting him ready for another x-ray to give them a better view of the intestines. It reminded me of when Amaraa was first rushed to the ICU after her c-section and everyone was crowded around her trying to get her bleeding under control. It was a nerve-wracking experience. The neonatologist and another doctor tried to comfort me and make sure I was alright as everyone rushed around doing their various jobs. I watched and waited, praying that the x-ray would come back OK. The x-rays came back and the neonatologist called me over to look at them with her. She said the bowel wasn't perforated and that the air was confined to the intestines and belly. What a relief!  She said that sometimes excess air in the bowel can indicate an infection, so she put him on an antibiotic. They put a tube into his stomach to suction out the excess air and are just going to watch him through the night and see how he does. She said he was stable and that I could feel comfortable about going home. Aiden's nurse came over and asked me if I would like her to help me find someone who could assist me in giving Aiden a blessing. I said I would. The doctor who had come over to comfort me earlier came over and told me he would be glad to assist. We closed the curtain and gave him a blessing. After the blessing, I sat with Aiden and held his hand. He was sleeping peacefully. He was tired after struggling to breathe today. The ventilator will do all the work for him tonight so he can rest. After a while, I decided to head home.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my big days at school. I have classes from 8 AM to 8:30 PM with just a couple hours of break time in the morning. During part of my break today, I decided to go to BYU campus and sit in on a BYU Singers rehearsal. I miss singing with Singers so much. It was the only reason I was able to endure attending BYU. I try to sit in on at least one rehearsal a year because it is such an emotionally healing, stress-relieving experience to hear them. They sounded so great. They are about as close to perfection as it gets. Dr. Staheli is amazing. If you'd like to hear them, they are performing on Music and the Spoken Word with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir this coming Sunday at 9:30 AM. It's definitely worth watching and/or DVR-ing. They also have concerts on April 7th and 8th at BYU. Anyway, I didn't realize how much I would end up needing that stress-free hour today. I'm glad I went.

As I was talking to the neonatologist today, I told her that I couldn't believe how fast a preemie's condition can change from stable to extremely critical. Life can change in the blink of an eye. One thing I have learned through all of this is that you just have to make the most of every single day. I almost lost Amaraa in a day. You never know what is going to happen tomorrow. Pettiness, anger, jealousy, etc. are not worth wasting your time on because in the end, you're the only one it hurts. I'm not saying that I'm all of a sudden a perfect person. I still have a lot to work on. I just now realize what a waste of time negativity is. The first step in recovery is realizing you have a problem, right? Ha ha.